When my readers question the quality of my columns, I don't look to the subjective evaluations of an editor. No, I call my six-sigma, black-belt colleague Harry for help.

Harry has worked on process improvement at GE, Toyota, and has an advanced degree in industrial engineering from Cal Tech. Most importantly, he does not have a sense of humor. He lets the data drive the solution. As a matter of fact, Harry told me that he has never actually read one of my columns.

Harry's analysis is based upon videotaping readers as they read my columns. Recently, his analysis showed that the number of laughs per column had decreased dramatically from 3.7 to a paltry 1.9. And more importantly, few of the laughs were true vocal outbursts.

In addition, customers who completed daily logs, on average, reported that they read only 83 percent of my column. So readers were not even bothering to finish my entire column. Harry said it simply in his executive summary: my columns were not as funny as in the past.

I got defensive. "Weren't there some letters to the editor that were positive? This is hard data; it should not be dismissed."

Harry reminded me that although these letters were a boost to my ego, they were few in actual number and therefore statistically insignificant.

I wanted to blame the editor for placing my columns next to the legal notices. "Hogwash," Harry said. "It is not a critical piece of data. Six sigma requires we identify the root cause."

Harry focused on my supply chain. He pointed out that I no longer had enough quality raw material for my columns. He was right. As I had become a full-time columnist, I had lost the daily pulse of business.

"Hesh, where do you get the ideas for your columns?" Harry inquired.

"I attend Rotary meetings and training seminars at the Small Business Administration," I answered sheepishly. I knew the story ideas I was collecting were second-hand and stale.

Harry's solution: I needed to get back in the real world of work. I needed to be yelled at by a customer. I needed to face my tearful six-year-old at 9:00 pm when he asked why I no longer read him his bed-time story. I needed to hear my wife complain about how my brother was ruining the business that I had built.

But how was I going to be both a columnist and a businessman? Harry of course came to the rescue. He proposed I apply lean-manufacturing principles to my column production.

Harry studied my basic unit of production, the words in a column. His software noted that each column, with rewrites, produced enough words for 6-8 columns. The solution: I needed to eliminate multiple manufacturing cycles. No more rewrite after rewrite. He even suggested a change in the lexicon. I no longer would write "first drafts." I needed to sit down and immediately produce the final column for publication.

Harry standardized the process for me. Seven paragraphs, 622 words, four quotes, 3 question marks, and only one exclamation point. Each story needed to mention my wife. His report went on for two pages.

"But Harry, how can I conceivably standardize the manufacturing of columns?" I asked, "Wouldn't this result in basically the same column each week?"

"Yes," he said with a big belly laugh.

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