I thought I was through with exams when I finished college. Then my wealth advisor (aka stock broker) had me take a test to measure my tolerance for risk. He said that there were no right or wrong answers, but I knew better.

I was wary of taking this "risk tolerance profile." As expected, the questions showed that I was a total wuss. (In Pittsburgh, if you're 15 and a guy it means you always cover your ears in the winter).

A typical question: If your portfolio dropped 21.8% in one year, would you: a) Sell all your equities; b) Sell 1/3 of your equities and buy intermediate term tax-free municipals; or c) No change--stay the course.

I selected C, not because I believed in my strategy, but out of total fear.

And yet deep down, when it came to the important things in life, I felt that I was a risk-taker. I could be as much a risk taker as an F-16 fighter pilot, or an NYC undercover cop. However, no test ever asked the really important questions in life, the kind of questions that impacted my daily reality. Questions like: "You have to drive to the airport. You get in you car, turn on the engine, and the gas gauge is on "E." Do you: a) Immediately fill up; b) Drive to the airport but don't put on the air conditioning; or c) Drive back and forth without ever looking at the gas gauge again.

OK, now let's add some real risk to the above question. What is your answer assuming your wife is in the car with you?

Let's deal with food instead of hedge funds. For example, for breakfast you like your bagels dark but definitely not burnt. You've just put a bagel in the toaster and it is just not dark enough. You put it in the toaster again, just nudging the dial to that optimum position, taking into consideration the heat already generated, and the level of darkness around the edges of the bagel. As you wait for you bagel, do you: a) Stand there watching the bagel toaster; b) Let the dog out; c) Get your newspaper from the driveway and check the Knicks score.

How would your answer change if it were your last bagel?

Now let's deal with the most risky part of life: relationships: It's 11.30pm on Thanksgiving night and your wife is exhausted, having cooked a 24 pound turkey and all the fixings. She asks you to place the turkey in the fridge in the basement. She reminds you of last year's fiasco when you forgot to refrigerate the bird. Do you: a) Do it immediately and then run upstairs to report to her that you completed the task, and then return to the basement to ensure that you have closed the fridge door; or b) Leave a note for your teenage son to do it when he comes in after midnight.

Now for extra credit. You get a call from your high school sweetheart. She asks to meet you for coffee in an hour. Do you: a) Decline, and tell you wife about the call; b) Decline but don't tell you wife about the call; c) Ask your son if you can borrow his hair mousse.

You get the idea. On this kind of test I would score very high. I would be a real risk taker--a hedge fund player. Arbitrage and all that would be my modus operandi.

I figure that once I fine-tune my questions, I could use this kind of questionnaire to screen professionals trying to give me advice. For example, my internist wants me to come in to review the results of my prostate exam and to discuss the different options and the risks involved with each course of action. I may surprise him and ask him to complete my questionnaire first. I want to see what kind of risk-taker he is.

PS: My wealth advisor just took my exam. He failed. I am looking for a new advisor. Any recommendations?

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