My tux was ready. I looked hot, a 50-ish Leonardo DiCaprio (at least that was what my 12-year-old daughter told me). I was on my way to the annual dinner of the American Association of Business Humor Columnists.

For the fourth year in a row, I was being awarded the prize of best business humor columnist in the small business category. Yes, if it is a company that does under a million dollars in revenue, I know how to make fun of it.

Editors have often asked me if I would consider expanding my market and ridicule billion dollar companies. I won't. The competition is too fierce. And I want to stay number one in my market niche. The billion dollar companies are the purview of Congress. Let our congressmen poke fun at CEOs for their multi-million dollar salaries.

If a company does between 100 million and a billion, then your local business reporters are trying to find some scandal to amuse us with. These firms have management systems in place and financial redundancies. So when something gets screwed up there is a paper trail and someone to blame. And then it isn't funny; it's sad. People get demoted, fired, or worse.

But if a company does less then a million in sales (I actually prefer a half a million) then they are the target of my humor columns. These companies don't have HR staffs, or even a real CFO; it's just two or three guys with an idea trying to make a go of it. They do a lot of dumb stuff because they just don't know better. And that's great fodder for my column.

I recommend every business owners follow my lead. Find a market niche where you can honestly say you are number one and then let the whole world know. Put it on your company t-shirts. Add it as the tag line on your business card.

I hear you grumbling that you are barely number three in your market. Well then get imaginative and create a market where you can be number one. For example: do you still run your dad's grocery store? Are you getting killed by the regional and national chains? Don't worry; redefine yourself as the number one, extreme value, limited assortment grocer in your region. (I swear that is a real market category; I didn't make it up).

You say you have a sandwich shop, no different then all of the other mom and pops and franchise stores. WRONG! You are the premier casual dining- café in your area. You are number one. And let everyone know it.

You say you own a copier store at the airport? No you don't. You need to tell everyone that you are number one in your niche: special-venue, independently owned, retail business service centers for the small office/home office (SOHO) market.

As a matter of fact, for a fee, I promise to make you an industry leader. Just e-mail me the details about your company and I promise to make you number one in a market niche you never heard of before.

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